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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26873059">in your eyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/finelineholland/pseuds/finelineholland'>finelineholland</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/finelineholland/pseuds/povdayas'>povdayas (finelineholland)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Maybe a happy ending?, Song fic, i miss rina, i promise they arent cheaters yall (runs away), more angst than fluff sorry yall:)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:33:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,440</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26873059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/finelineholland/pseuds/finelineholland, https://archiveofourown.org/users/finelineholland/pseuds/povdayas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>you always try to hide the pain,<br/>you always know just what to say.<br/>i always look the other way.<br/>i'm blind, i'm blind.</p><p>in you eyes, you lie, but i don't let it define you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. part 1: Nini</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi! i'm back with another rina fic! this is directly inspired by the song "in your eyes" by the weeknd (thank you joy for this idea!!). basically this ship has me in a chokehold so here we are again... enjoy this messy, dramatic story about two idiots in love!</p><p>also you should check out @THEODDITI3S on twitter! my friend alex and i are writing an original au!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Last summer, Nini Salazar-Roberts told Ricky Bowen that she loved him for the very first time. She was terrified, but she’d never been more certain. It was him, it had <em> always </em> been him. </p><p>But he didn’t say it back. </p><p>Until two weeks ago, when he finally did. </p><p>Nini replayed that moment in her head constantly, the sheer force of his words, as if it would physically pain him if she didn’t believe him. His pleading eyes, black eyeliner smudged at the corners, gazing into her as if she was the only thing that mattered. It was all she’d wanted since that fateful summer day, to hear those three words leave his lips, directed at her. </p><p>She promised herself she wouldn't do anything to mess things up between them a second time. Life is short. People are rarely given second chances at love, and hers was given to her on an auburn-haired, brown-eyed platter. </p><p>Then the letter came. The Youth Actors’ Conservatory wanted her to attend for the rest of her high school career. A prestigious acting school in Denver, Colorado, one that only seemed like a dream when Kourtney had mentioned it before the show. And now that dream was becoming a reality. A reality that would tear her away from the relationship that she’d just begun to rebuild. </p><p>Of course she wanted to go. Opportunities like this were once in a lifetime. But Ricky Bowen was also once in a lifetime. So she set the letter on her nightstand, right next to the framed picture of the cast from opening night. It was the last day of winter break. Tomorrow, she’d have to face her friends for the first time in two weeks, and the last thing she wanted was the thought of leaving to plague her throughout the day. </p><p>So she’d revisit it later. She had two weeks to make her decision. For now, she’d focus on the week ahead, and hope for some sign that would push her towards her destiny. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b><em>I just pretend that I'm in the dark</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I don't regret 'cause my heart can't take a loss</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I'd rather be so oblivious</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I'd rather be with you</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> Monday </em> </span>
</p><p>Nini should’ve known not to have expectations, but she couldn’t help herself. She hadn’t seen Ricky since opening night; he’d spend the entire holiday in Chicago with his mom. He’d seemed normal enough through text and Facetime, lighting up her screen through numerous colorful emojis, his smile alone making her miss his presence. </p><p>She couldn’t wait to see what the school week would hold. Things would be just like they always were, the way they had been the year prior. Lunch dates, meeting each other’s gazes across the room, holding hands as they strolled through the halls… The way things were <em> meant </em>to be. </p><p>But the second he met her at her locker, the second she grasped his hand and they began their journey to their first period class, she sensed that something was… off. </p><p>He seemed guarded, as if he were protecting something that she could never understand. His eyes twinkled differently, as if someone took the stars in them and rewrote them, creating constellations that even the most advanced telescope wouldn’t be able to find. </p><p>His mind was elsewhere. His gaze left hers abandoned. </p><p>“Ricky?” she asked, squeezing as hand tightly as they walked through the crowded halls, “Is everything okay?”</p><p>He blinked, seemingly coming out of his stupor. He smiled at her, and she ignored the instinct that told her that the smile was forced.</p><p>“Fine. I’m fine. Just have a lot on my mind, is all.”</p><p>“Did something happen between you and your mom over the break? You know you can talk to me, right? <em> The girl who always knows what you’re about? </em>You said it yourself!” she teased, nudging him lightly in the side. </p><p>He huffed out a laugh that Nini supposed was meant to be lighthearted, but the way he avoided her eyes filled her with dread. “Yeah. I know. Hey, I was thinking we should…”</p><p>His voice trailed off as something in the distance caught his eye. She followed his line of sight until her eyes landed on the back of a familiar head full of dark brown, bouncing curls falling over the shoulders of a black floral bomber jacket. </p><p>“Is that…?” she asked, looking back to his face now, studying for some sort of reaction. She was never quite sure what had gone on while the two of them were broken up. Sure, she’d tried to move on, dated EJ Caswell for a few weeks before calling it quits, but she was never entirely sure of Ricky’s relationship status, and he hadn’t brought it up thus far. </p><p>He cleared his throat, eyes not once leaving the bouncing curls as they pushed through the crowded halls ahead. </p><p>“Yeah. It’s Gina.”</p><p>The way he said her name bothered Nini. There was something there, some sort of unfinished business that she wasn’t aware of. She wondered when her simple, skateboard-loving boyfriend had become such an enigma. She ignored this feeling though, sure that she was overthinking it, aiming to find problems in their newborn relationship before it even began. </p><p>“I didn’t know she was coming back… I thought she flew back to New York after the show?”</p><p>“Yeah. So did I.”</p><p>Ricky’s gaze somehow became even more distant, as the head of curls disappeared into the crowd. Nini fought the urge to ask him what happened between him and Gina. Why did he react so strongly to her presence? In what ways had she changed him? Was their connection as deep as Nini felt hers and Ricky’s connection was?</p><p>Was there a title for what they were? Had he taken her on dates, hung out in her house and watched skateboarding videos like he used to with Nini? </p><p>Had they kissed? Did he… <em> love </em> her?</p><p>No. She shouldn’t be thinking like this. Relationships were all about trust, right? Ricky loved her. He said so himself. The past didn’t matter. All that mattered was the present, finally being able to walk hand in hand with the boy she loved, and the future, even if it was uncertain.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> Tuesday </em> </span>
</p><p>Ricky had texted Nini before the beginning of lunch period, claiming that he had some business to handle with one of his teachers, so he wouldn’t be able to make it. He said that he would meet her at her locker afterwards, even though she insisted that it was fine and he could meet her after school instead. </p><p>When he arrived, Nini instantly realized that something was off. More so than usual. His complexion seemed splotchy, face riddled with patches of red as if the skin had been irritated somehow. His eyes were slightly rimmed with red, which could have very well been due to fatigue, but the faint glisten in his eyes suggested otherwise. </p><p>“Hey, hey, babe, what’s wrong?” she reached up to caress his cheeks, eyes filled with concern. As her thumb swiped across his right cheek, she felt a sticky residue, light pink and glittery. </p><p>
  <em> Lip gloss. </em>
</p><p>“Wha- what’s on your face?”</p><p>She sniffed the substance on her thumb and was hit with the strong scent of strawberries. </p><p>He brought his sleeve up to wipe his face, eyes avoiding hers. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”</p><p>“You obviously aren’t, Ricky. Talk to me, please don’t-”</p><p>“Nini,” he grasped her hand, shooting her a smile, and the pain underneath it was enough to slowly chip away at the outer layers of her heart. “I mean it. It’s no big deal.”</p><p>“I don't want us keeping things from each other. I want us to work.”</p><p>“And we will. I promise, if it was anything worth telling, you’d know.”</p><p>And as Nini stared into his glassy brown eyes, she forced herself to believe him. Maybe that was naive of her, but she didn’t care. She was blinded by love for the boy in front of her, by the fear of losing him. </p><p>Her mind drifted to the letter sitting on her nightstand, awaiting her response. </p><p>“Well, I need to go. Mazzara will kill me if I’m late again. I’m pretty sure he hates me.” he said, that sad smile still gracing his features. </p><p>“Yeah. Ok. See you.”</p><p>She wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace, burying her face in his hoodie. She hoped that she brought him comfort, but she also sought comfort from him, from being wrapped in his arms. Inhaling his cinnamon-spice scent always seemed to chase her worries away. </p><p>But today, his scent was masked by something. Something <em> sweet. </em>Hints of lavender and peach, vanilla and fresh laundry, a delicate blend of scents that didn’t belong to him. As if someone else had been in that position only moments before, leaving their scent like a mark on their territory. </p><p>She inhaled sharply, ignoring the pang in her chest as she shut her locker and waved him goodbye. </p><p>“I love you.” she said softly. </p><p>“Yeah. You too,” he replied. </p><p>She tried not to think about the fact that he didn’t actually say the word <em> love. </em>She refused to look into it, she thought as she rubbed the pink gloss on her fingertips onto the side of her skirt. She couldn’t bring herself to jump to conclusions. </p><p>She trusted Ricky. That’s all that mattered.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She was lost in thought after the final bell, worried as she made her way to Ricky’s locker. She’d spent the whole day worrying about him, thinking about the interaction they’d had after lunch. She just hoped he truly was ‘fine.’ </p><p>As she turned into the hallway where Ricky’s locker was, she was surprised to see none other than Gina Porter waiting there as well, her back against the red metal, fiddling with her fingers. </p><p>“Hi, Gina.” Nini said as she approached, painting a smile onto her face and trying not to imagine the look on Ricky’s face when he noticed her in the hallway the previous day.</p><p>“Oh. Hey.” Gina shot her a tightlipped smile and a nod. </p><p>“I didn’t know you were attending EHS this semester. I thought your mom got relocated?” </p><p>“She did. I’m actually staying with the Caswells.”</p><p>Nini was taken aback by this information. She hadn’t known that Ashlyn and Gina were that close.</p><p>“Oh. That’s great! It’s funny how things work out, huh!”</p><p>“Yeah. Really <em> funny. </em>” Gina replied, and Nini could detect a hint of bitterness lingering under her words. She’d thought that she and Gina had made up opening night, that they were on the verge of beginning a blooming friendship. Now, the girl seemed to have put back up those same walls that surrounded her at HSM auditions. </p><p>“Are you here waiting for Ricky?” Gina’s eyes snapped to her’s upon hearing his name, a bit wild and startled. </p><p>“No, no. I’m waiting for Natalie, she borrowed my History notes in class today and I need them back.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay.”</p><p>The two waited in silence for a few minutes, Nini bouncing into her toes and Gina still leaning against the lockers, back to playing with her hands. Nini watched as Gina dug into her pocket, pulling out a tube of…</p><p><em> Light pink glittery lip gloss </em>. </p><p>“Hey, um, what kind of lip gloss is that?”</p><p>Gina paused in her application of it, glancing at the tube briefly before replying. </p><p>“I got it in New York when I went back to get my things after the show. It was a local business and all of their products were vegan, so I figured I would support. It smells really good, just like-”</p><p>“Strawberries.” Nini answered for her, connecting pieces to a puzzle that she didn’t want to put together. </p><p>“Uh, yeah. How’d you…”</p><p>“Lucky guess,” she said quickly, spotting Ricky behind Gina’s head, walking towards them with a furrowed brow. “Oh, there’s Ricky.”</p><p>Gina whipped her head behind her, stuffing the lip gloss tube back into her pocket. She seemed to study Ricky tentatively, as if trying to figure something out. He must have felt her gaze, because his eyes met hers, and he stopped in his tracks. </p><p>She turned back to Nini, tight smile still present. “I’m gonna go. Nice talking to you.”</p><p>“But I thought you were waiting for Natalie?”</p><p>“I’ll just text her and get the notes tomorrow. I wouldn’t want to intrude on East High’s newest <em> happy couple. </em>” </p><p>And then she was gone, leaving a trail of her scent in her wake. </p><p>
  <em> Hints of peach. Lavender. Vanilla. Fresh Laundry.  </em>
</p><p>Nini watched her go. When she turned back around, Ricky had reached his locker, fiddling with the combination lock. </p><p>“What did she want?” he asked. Not even a hello?</p><p>“She was waiting for someone,” Nini started. “Hey, have you spoken to her at all since we got back to school?”</p><p>“No, not really.” he simply stated, shutting his locker and swinging his bag over his shoulder. He grabbed Nini’s hand and smiled, and she tried to smile back, but she felt that it was more of a grimace. </p><p>Nini was zoned out as they headed towards the school’s exit, Ricky saying something about Red and tap dancing. She looked at the boy next to her, wondering what he could possibly be hiding, and how it involved one Gina Porter.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> Wednesday </em> </span>
</p><p>It was the first theatre meeting of the year and to say Nini was nervous was an understatement. She admitted to herself that <em> High School Musical: The Musical </em>was definitely not her best performance as a lead. She was unprofessional and distracted by Ricky, so much so that she refused to act alongside EJ. It was unacceptable, and she prepared to face any shade thrown by other members of the cast. </p><p>But throughout the meeting, she couldn’t take her eyes off of Ricky. He was trying to hide it, but his distractedness was obvious. Whenever he was asked a question, he blinked rapidly as if snapping out of a trance, stumbling over his words. </p><p>Whenever he wasn’t staring blankly into space, he was looking at <em> Gina.  </em></p><p>She looked pretty today, Nini noted. Her curls were pulled up into two space buns on top of her head, and her winged eyeliner was done to perfection. Her vegan strawberry lip gloss was upon her lips once again, shining in the fluorescent lights and forcing Nini to relive yesterday’s events. But she didn’t think that was why Ricky was looking. </p><p>It was what she was <em> wearing.  </em></p><p>Gina sat directly across the room from them, simply wearing a red East High hoodie with black leggings and her signature dance shoes. The hoodie looked one size too big, the sleeves covering the bottom half of her palm, like <em> sweater paws. </em>Nini had seen that hoodie before. </p><p>It was <em> Ricky’s.  </em></p><p>He’d worn it nearly everyday sophomore year, in the beginning phases of their relationship. She recognized the small tear on the right sleeve near the elbow, one that Ricky had gotten from a minor skateboarding incident. She saw small bleach spots littering the front from when Ricky had splattered paint on the hoodie and her moms had tried to remove the stains. </p><p>The tattered press-on <em> E </em>, the faded brightness of the red… a distant memory took root in Nini’s mind. </p><p>Suddenly, she was a sophomore again, asking Ricky if she could take that very same hoodie home, just to have a piece of him with her. He’d refused, offering up another because that one was his favorite, his good luck charm that he could never part with. </p><p>But now, he’d parted with it, and she watched as another girl tugged at its drawstrings, fiddled with the worn wrist cuffs, and hugged the garment tight to her chest, as if letting go would physically hurt her. </p><p>“Ricky?” Nini whispered, careful not to speak loud enough to alert Miss Jenn that she wasn’t listening. Ricky turned to her, recoiling slightly as if just noticing she was there. What a <em> perfect </em>reaction to get from your boyfriend. </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Are you busy after the meeting? I was wondering if we could… talk.” Nini said nervously, tugging at the bracelet that Ricky had given her for Christmas. As much as she wanted to suppress her suspicions, she couldn’t ignore this, not on top of everything that had happened yesterday. That hoodie meant the world to Ricky. </p><p>Shouldn't he have given it to someone who also meant the world to him?</p><p>“I actually have plans with my dad tonight,” he said, truly meeting her eyes for what feels like the first time in forever. “But I’m free after school tomorrow. Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Everything’s fine.” Nini lied, hoping that she’s just being a stupid, paranoid excuse of a girlfriend, that she’s jumping to unrealistic conclusions instead of just trusting the boy who she has loved for the better part of a year. </p><p>But as her eyes drifted back to Gina, looking like the comfort from Ricky’s hoodie was swallowing her whole, she couldn’t help but think the worst. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After the meeting, Nini waited outside after Ricky had rolled off on his skateboard, the cool winter air biting her cheeks. She was lost in thought, so much so that she didn’t hear the dance sneakers hitting the pavement behind her. </p><p>“Oh. Hi, Nini.”</p><p>She whipped her head to her right, coming to face to face with Gina. The girl was looking down, nervously plucking at an embroidery on the left wrist cuff of the hoodie. One that hadn’t been there before. </p><p>“Gina! Um, hi. Hey.” she stammered, itching to get a closer look at the stitching. The two stood in silence for a few minutes, until Nini could no longer contain her curiosity. </p><p>“I like your hoodie,” Nini said, trying and failing to keep her time as casual as possible. “It’s… cute. Where'd you get it?”</p><p>Gina's eyes snapped up to hers, widened as if the question was forbidden, a topic that shouldn’t be touched. She blinked, quickly schooling her expression before speaking. </p><p>“Oh, thank you. I got it from… a friend. Last year. They said it was a <em> crime </em> that I’d been at school since August and still didn’t own a traditional East High T-shirt or hoodie, so they gave me theirs.” Her tone was full of nostalgia as she wrapped the drawstring around her finger. A faint smile crossed her lips. </p><p>“Cute story. I’ve never noticed the stitching on the cuff before, did your friend get it customized or…?”</p><p>Gina’s hand instantly moved to her wrist, running her thumb back and forth over the white embroidery. Nini now saw that it said <em> “Just fly, dude.” </em>Whatever that meant. </p><p>“No, no. I did that. Just a reminder.” The smile on her face had become so sad, Nini almost felt bad for asking. She wondered what it reminded her of and how it could possibly remind her of Ricky. </p><p>
  <em> Just fly, dude.  </em>
</p><p>Fly <em> where </em>? </p><p>She was about to ask when her mom’s black Sedan pulled up to the curb. </p><p>She said her goodbyes and climbed into the car, her mind on the girl who was still standing on the sidewalk, wearing Nini’s boyfriend’s hoodie to protect her from the frigid Utah winter. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b><em>When it's said, when it's done, yeah</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I don't ever wanna know</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I can tell what you done, yeah</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>When I look at you</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>In your eyes</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> Thursday </em> </span>
</p><p>“So, what did you want to talk about?” Ricky said, sitting across from her at the small corner booth at their local cafe. She wasn’t sure why he’d asked to come here for their talk. They could’ve done this from the privacy of her bedroom. Then again, their conversations in that room didn’t seem to have the best endings. </p><p>Nini tapped her spoon on the side of her mug, the steam from her latte wafting into the air, filling her with warmth, despite the chill settling in her stomach. She wasn’t exactly sure how to approach the situation. It had always been just her and Ricky. Sure, there was EJ, but that was so short lived. It felt different from whatever was happening between him and Gina. </p><p>“Just wondering how things were going since we’ve been back in school this week. You seem… distant.” she started, her words slow and calculated. </p><p>He blinked, seemingly taken aback, before lifting his mug to his lips. Nini wondered when he’d started drinking coffee in the first place. She wondered why he was so eager to come here. She wondered if he’d been here with anyone else. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Things have been fine. Just some… stuff. At home. I don’t really wanna talk about it.” </p><p>He scanned the cafe then, fiddling with the stirrer in his mug, coffee spilling over the sides, splashing onto the saucer beneath. It was as if he was searching for something, though she wasn’t sure what. </p><p>Nini reached across the table, lightly resting her hand on top of his. She ran her fingers over his knuckles, hoping that the gesture was enough to soothe whatever seemed to be troubling him. </p><p>“You know I’m always here for you, Ricky. You can tell me anything.” She kept her voice soft and light, the way she always did when she could tell he was reluctant to just let go. She wanted to be there for him, but it was like lately he’d close up, leaving her on the outside. </p><p>“I know, Neens.” he said, shifting his gaze to her briefly before continuing his scan of the shop. She nearly asked him what he was looking so intently for, and why that something would be at a small local coffee shop that seated no more than 30 people. She so badly wanted a glimpse inside of his head, to know what he was thinking, and to know her place in it all. Did she consume his thoughts the same way he consumed hers, or was she merely an afterthought whose hand he held?</p><p>“Anyway,” she started after a moment of silence, the distant chatter of other customers filling her head, “I asked to talk to you because… well, I really hate to be <em> that </em> girlfriend. And you know that I love you and that I trust you, but everything between us feels so new, even though it shouldn’t because we’ve done this before. We’re past the whole <em> nervous new couple </em>phase, y’know?”</p><p>He nodded, and she took that as an invitation to continue. </p><p>“I noticed that something seems to be going on between you and-”</p><p>“Gina.”</p><p>Nini blinked, so startled by Ricky suddenly shooting to his feet that she almost didn’t hear the name fall off his lips, a quiet, breathless murmur in the coffee scented air.</p><p>She looked up at the boy, now standing before her, his eyes locked onto something behind her. She’d never seen Ricky filled with such a steely determination, such a drive to accomplish something, whatever that something was. She turned in her chair, following his line of sight, and tried to ignore the icy hot pang in her chest when her eyes fell upon a graceful, curly-haired barista behind the counter. </p><p><em> So that was why they were there. </em> </p><p>“Um, I’m gonna go get, uh, a refill! Yeah. If we’re going to talk, I should probably have a full cup so that I’ll be completely tuned in. Not that I wouldn’t be tuned in otherwise! I just… yeah. You want anything? No? Okay, see you in a bit.”</p><p>The words were out of Ricky’s mouth so fast that Nini barely had time to register the meaning of them. He fumbled to grab his mug and saucer, splashing the dark brown contents of the cup onto the wooden table surface before scurrying off, not paying a second glance to Nini as he nearly ran towards the counter. </p><p>Nini watched Ricky and Gina interact, him trying and failing to get her attention as she took the half-full mug from his hands, disposing of the contents and refilling it with a fresh beverage. She looked almost bored with him, the same way she did with everyone when she had first arrived at EHS. Nini had always assumed that she was just snobby, but eventually learned that there was a kind girl underneath her unapproachable exterior. </p><p>Today, as she ignored Ricky’s attempts at conversation, her unapproachable side was on full force, only falling when another customer would arrive at the counter. She’d throw on a stage smile while she took their order, tossing various glares in Ricky’s direction. He’d sat down at the countertop now, seemingly forgetting that he’d come here with someone else. </p><p>The questions that had haunted Nini throughout the week ran through her head at the speed of light. <em> What happened between them last semester? Should she be worried? Could she not trust Ricky as much as she thought?  </em></p><p>As the thoughts consumed her mind, her eyes drifted to where he’d been sitting and landed on his cell phone. He’d left it behind. </p><p>Nini once told herself that she’d never be the type of girlfriend who didn’t trust her partner enough not to violate their privacy. She wouldn’t be the type to snoop around, to go through their things looking for something incriminating. That would only blow things out of proportion.</p><p>But she couldn’t stop her shaky hands from reaching across the table and gingerly picking up the cell phone, running her fingers along the screen before glancing over her shoulder. Ricky was still facing away from her, enamored in his conversation (or lack thereof) with Gina. </p><p>Nini turned back towards the device, clicking the on button and letting out a small breath or relief when she saw the lockscreen. It was an image of her and Ricky from last Valentine’s Day, when he’d surprised her at her locker with gifts and decor that made her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. The memory felt almost tainted now, thinking back through the events that had happened since then. </p><p>She hurriedly typed in his password (0000, of all things), and nearly dropped the phone into her mug when his home screen photo materialized in front of her. </p><p>
  <em> It was a photo of him and Gina.  </em>
</p><p>Nini studied the image, taking in each detail. It was taken at the local skatepark, the one Ricky and Red frequently visited, and stars shone in the night sky above them. It seemed as if the phone was propped against one of the ramps, the camera tilted up towards the two teens. Gina was wearing the same East High hoodie she’d been wearing yesterday, and she was positively beaming as she looked up at the boy standing behind her, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Nini couldn’t describe the tightness in her chest as she studied Ricky in the photo, his windswept curls and flushed complexion, smiling down at another girl like she was his world. </p><p>
  <em> When was the last time he smiled at her like that? </em>
</p><p>She couldn’t remember. </p><p>Nini’s mind went straight to the worst, telling her that the phone was a perfect symbol of <em> him </em>. He wore Nini on the outside, for the whole world to see, but was harboring affections for Gina on the inside, in the depths of his heart. </p><p>Tears stung her eyes as she navigated to his messages, any hesitation about being intrusive long gone. Any messages before the current week were deleted, as if he didn’t want the constant memory of the triple threat barista that he apparently went on late night skate dates with. He’d sent her at least three messages per day this week, each a variation of <em> “Can we talk?” </em> or <em> “I don’t want to lose you.” </em></p><p>As she turned to glance at him once more, she saw how the sincerity in each message was reflected in his eyes. He looked at her now like she held the universe in her hands rather than a tray of eclairs. </p><p>Nini shut off the phone and set it back in its place on the other side of the table. She stood, collecting her things and leaving a few dollars on the table before sneaking out of the cafe’s side door. Only when she crossed the street did she allow her tears to fall. </p><p>She didn’t know whether or not he even noticed that she was gone. </p><p>She didn’t know whether or not he cared. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <span class="u">Friday</span>  </em>
</p><p>The argument that Nini and Ricky had that morning felt like a blur, a distant memory. She sat at her kitchen table that night pondering whether or not it had actually happened. But then she’d check her outgoing messages, asking Ricky to come pick up the few things he’d left at her house in the past, and she’d realize that it was reality. </p><p>She’d confronted him about Gina. </p><p>Accused him of being disloyal. </p><p>Screamed her fears of him loving a girl who wasn’t her. </p><p>He was calm in his reply, saying that he would never cheat on her, that he wasn’t that type of guy and she knew that. But he never denied loving Gina. Her questions about the hoodie and the lip gloss on his cheek remained unanswered. Guilt radiated off of him in waves. </p><p>The words <em> it’s over </em> flowed out of her mouth so quickly that she’d barely heard them herself. </p><p>Nini stared down at the YAC acceptance letter spread onto the table before her. She grabbed her pen, checking the <em> Yes </em> box before lightly signing her name on the bottom of the stark white paper. </p><p>She hoped that the admissions office would ignore the way the ink was slightly smudged by tear drops. </p><p>YAC was the beginning of her new future. </p><p>One without Ricky in it. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. part 2: Ricky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>i tried to find love<br/>in someone else too many times<br/>but I hope you know i mean it</p><p>when I tell you you're the one that was on my mind</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the much requested 2nd part is finally here! i told you all this would be dramatic, and i think that i delivered! let me know what you think!</p><p>enjoy!</p><p>also you should check out @THEODDITI3S on twitter! my friend alex and i are writing an original au!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> <em>You always try to hide the pain</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>You always know just what to say</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I always look the other way</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>I'm blind, I'm blind</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>In your eyes, you lie, but I don't let it define you</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>It had been 6 weeks since Nini packed up her things and left for Colorado, going to live out her dreams as an actress. For a guy who was just dumped, Ricky was honestly doing fine. </p><p>Something deep within him told him that things wouldn’t work, that when he was saying all those things in that dressing room that day, he was forcing something that wasn’t meant to be. Sure, it felt right at the time, but he was partially driven by an immense urge to prove to his parents that he wasn’t like them. He wouldn’t abandon what he had with Nini the way his parents abandoned each other. </p><p>And he did <em> love </em>Nini, in a way. She was his first crush, his first kiss, his first real girlfriend. But he didn’t love her the way she wanted, not the way he loved… </p><p>He didn’t know Gina was coming back. He was convinced that when he looked back at her as he took slow steps towards Nini during <em> Breaking Free, </em>it would be the last time he saw her and her beautiful, expressive eyes, filled to the brim with emotions that only he could see. </p><p>But now those eyes were back. And they wanted nothing to do with him. They radiated a single message that Ricky struggled to put into words. One of disappointment. Disappointment so pure, so deep that Ricky could feel it burning through his skin whenever she looked at him. That gaze haunted him day by day. </p><p>He often thought back to that first Tuesday after winter break, to the encounter they’d had that day during lunch. It was the only real conversation they’d had since her return. It was one of the reasons Nini was convinced that he’d cheated on her. He wanted to tell Nini that it wasn’t true, tell her the true context of that fateful discussion, but he couldn’t bring himself to. It was too painful. Too personal. Too real. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> 6 weeks ago... </em> </span>
</p><p>She was back, and Ricky felt like he was losing his mind. He shouldn’t care. Not nearly as much as he did. He had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who he loved and didn’t want to screw things up with a second time. He couldn’t afford to be in his head, wondering what could have been if only he’d known that Gina wasn’t leaving his life forever. </p><p>But he couldn’t help the way his heart sped up every time someone mentioned her name, the way his stomach turned in on itself whenever he saw her curls bouncing on her shoulders as she walked through the halls. He couldn’t deny that sometimes when he was holding Nini’s hand, he wondered what it would feel like to hold Gina’s instead. </p><p>(Would she play with his fingertips the way she did her own when she was nervous? Would she rub circles on the back of his hand with her thumb? Would she mind if he brought their intertwined hands up to his lips, lightly kissing the back of hers in return? Would she- </p><p><em> Nini. He was in love with Nini. </em>)</p><p>His entire being filled with guilt. He needed to talk to her. To reinforce the idea in his mind that she was just a friend, a good friend, and nothing more. So that lunch period, he shot Nini a quick text and headed off to the dance studio in search of the girl who consumed his thoughts. </p><p>As soon as he reached the door to the studio, he froze. There she was, in leggings and a cropped sweater, dancing her heart out to some song he’d never heard before. He couldn’t help but admire the way she moved, as if there was a story behind each motion, one that he didn’t want to stop reading. Ricky wasn’t sure how long he stood there before she finished her routine, turned to her bag at the base of the doorframe, and jumped at the sight of him. </p><p>“Oh my god! Ricky? What the hell?” she exclaimed, picking up her phone to stop the next song from playing. He truly didn’t know what to say. </p><p>It was the first time he’d seen her up close since her return. He blinked as he stared at her, her skin glistening with sweat, making her appear as if she were glowing. A few disobedient curls had slipped out her bun, and he fought the urge to reach out and tuck them behind her ear. Her expectant brown eyes bore into him, probably awaiting an answer as to why he was standing there, watching her like some sort of creep. </p><p>“Uh, um, uh- I… hi, Gina.” He mentally facepalmed. </p><p>“Hi… is there something you wanted, or…?”</p><p>“Just to, um, talk to you,” he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “You didn’t tell me that you were coming back.”</p><p>She studied his face for a brief moment, seemingly forming a response. He wondered what gears were turning in her mind, and missed the days where she’d tell him exactly what she was thinking. He hated that he’d lost that. </p><p>“Since when am I obligated to tell you anything?” she shot back, her tone soft and light despite the harshness of her words. </p><p>“You aren’t!” he coughed, “You aren’t. It just… would’ve been good to know, I guess.”</p><p>“Well. I’m back. As you can see.”</p><p>“Yeah. Cool.”</p><p>“Cool.”</p><p>The two sat in silence for a few minutes, the tension between them so thick you could cut it with a knife. Gina began fiddling with her fingers, displaying the nervousness that she refused to show on her face. </p><p>He cleared his throat before speaking. “Are we… okay?”</p><p>She walked over to her bag, grabbing her water bottle and taking a sip before responding. She was less than a foot away from him now, and he could smell the comforting, sweet scent of her perfume lingering in the air. </p><p>“That would depend on your definition of okay.” she shot back, tilting her head slightly, her eyes sizing him up. Her fingers seemed to tighten around her water bottle as her eyes landed on his jacket pocket. </p><p>He glanced down as well, nearly turning red at the sight of the red and orange yarn tassel that was protruding from the pocket, swinging slightly as he rocked back and forth in his heels. </p><p>
  <em> It was the hat she’d made him last semester.  </em>
</p><p>He was embarrassed to admit that he took it almost everywhere, even on those winter days where the sun peeked through the clouds, warming his skin beneath his coat. There was something about the oversized accessory that comforted him, but he wasn’t sure exactly what it was. Maybe it was because whenever he put it on, Gina’s words from the night she gave it to him ran through his head: <em> Do what makes you happy. </em>Maybe it was the image of her sitting over bundles of yarn, needles in hand, pausing and rewinding her youtube video until she’d perfected each stitch. Maybe it was the fact that if he focused hard enough, he could still smell her perfume lingering beneath each strand. </p><p>“You still have that piece of junk?” Gina asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes didn’t leave his pocket until he reached down and gingerly tucked the tassel back into the jacket.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s important to me?” he said, hating that the statement came out sounding like a question, even though there was no doubt about it. </p><p>“The stitchwork is crap and the pattern’s uneven. Definitely not my best work.” she laughed a bit, but the sound was mirthless.</p><p>“None of that matters,” he started, watching as she bent down to pack up her bag, “It’s important to me because <em> you </em>gave it to me.” Her movement paused momentarily. She shook her head slightly before responding.</p><p>“Wow. Pulled that one straight out of a <em> Hallmark </em> movie,” she remarked, scoffing before zipping up her bag and hoisting it onto her shoulder, standing to her full height. Ricky couldn’t tell if she’d gotten taller within the past few weeks, or if the way she was glaring at him just made him feel small. “Or did you come up with that line yourself? Y’know, with you being a <em> great songwriter </em> and all that?” </p><p>Ricky wasn’t sure if his flinch was evident or not, but he definitely felt it, her words hitting him like a slap in the face, stinging every inch of his skin. He hadn’t seen this snappy, closed-off side of Gina since homecoming. He’d almost forgotten that she existed; she seemed so different from the girl who never left his mind these days. </p><p>“Okay, ouch? That was… uncalled for.”</p><p>“Really? I think it was pretty appropriate.”</p><p>She pushed past him, starting down the hallway. She was moving fast, but he followed right behind her. </p><p>“I’m not lying!” he called out, “You <em> are </em> important to me, and I don’t know what’s going on right now or why you wouldn’t tell me you were back, but… but I want to fix this! You’re my friend, Gi-”</p><p>“Can you <em> please </em> shut the hell up?” Gina turned around so suddenly that Ricky almost ran into her. The look in her eyes as they met his was almost pleading, and they looked a bit glossier than before. The rest of her face was expressionless, but her hands were shaking, the way they did right before an important rehearsal. “Just stop wasting your time, Ricky. There’s nothing here to fix.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>She sighed. “I <em> mean </em> that we aren’t friends. We never were. So don’t worry yourself trying to save something that never existed.” Her voice wavered a bit on that last word. She turned to walk away again, but Ricky grabbed her wrist and she froze, staring at his hand on hers.</p><p>They’d done this before. At Ashlyn’s Thanksgiving Party. Gina had tried to leave, tried to discredit their connection, and he let her. But he had learned from that mistake, and he wouldn’t let her do it again.</p><p>“You know that’s not true. Let’s talk about this! Whatever’s bothering you, I’m sure we can fix it. C’mon, <em> Ballerina </em>-”</p><p>“<em> Don’t </em> call me that.”</p><p>The words sounded so harsh that Ricky almost didn’t think they’d come from the girl in front of him. He thought back to the first time he’d referred to her by that nickname, after a last minute rehearsal in Red’s basement (the rehearsal was mostly for his sake; for some reason she could do the Getcha Head In The Game choreography even better than he could). He would never forget the way her eyes lit up, her laugh as clear as a bright summer day, how happy he was that something as simple as an endearment could elicit that response.  </p><p>“Wh- Why not?”</p><p>She stared at him then, an expression finally passing over her features: one of disbelief. She snatched her wrist out of his grip, letting a breath of air escape from her lips.</p><p>“Are you dumb?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Or is it that you think <em> I’m </em> dumb? Yeah, that must be it. Honestly, after the way I let you <em> manipulate </em> your way into my life, I might agree with you on that.” Her voice was rising with each word, and Ricky felt his heart chip a bit with each syllable.</p><p>“Gina, I-”</p><p>“And to think, I <em> let </em> you. As if I haven’t had enough disappointments in the past to serve as warnings. I knew exactly how <em> selfish </em> and <em> immature </em> you were, but I let you in anyway because I was stupid enough to think that I had finally found someone who would understand. But you’re just like the rest of them.” She poked her finger into Ricky’s chest, and he could see tears welling in her eyes. He wondered how much effort it was taking her to keep them from falling. </p><p>“I didn’t manipulate you, Gina! And I <em> do </em> get it! Well, I don’t get whatever <em> this </em> is, but I came to find out! I just want to be here for you.”</p><p>She laughed again, no humor once more. “You don’t care about me.”</p><p>“I do care about you.” </p><p>“I could’ve never come back to Salt Lake and you would’ve been fine, living out some perfect fairytale life and pretending like I never existed.” </p><p>She was rambling now, her eyes landing on everything but Ricky, his words falling upon deaf ears. It was as if she was trying to convince herself rather than Ricky. </p><p>“That’s not true! What is your problem?” He placed a hand on her shoulder, alarmed by the way she was shaking. He’d never seen her like this before, and it was frightening. </p><p>That hand, that light touch to her sweater, seemed to make something inside of her shift. </p><p>
  <em> “You’re my problem.” </em>
</p><p>Her tone was soft now, her voice broken, and she raised her hand to wipe the stray tear that had escaped against her will. </p><p>“You say that you <em> understand, </em> that you <em> get it </em>, but if you did… if you did, you would know how I feel about you, Ricky.”</p><p>He watched as she took a shuddering breath, turning her body to face him completely. She let out a breathy laugh as she looked up at him, eyes filled with some weird mix of nostalgia and sadness. </p><p>“You’re so weird, you know that, Bowen? My whole life, lying and pushing people away has always been my go to, but that just never seems to work with you,” she paused, looking down at her and picking at her fingernails, “So I guess I’ll just have to try being honest because… I <em> need </em> you to let me go. <em> Please. </em>”</p><p>The seriousness behind her expression made Ricky’s chest ache. He began to shake his head, mouth opening and closing, but no words being formed. Gina reached out and took his hands in hers, running her thumb along his silver ring. </p><p>“Ricky, listen to me, okay? You <em> were </em> my closest friend. And I care about you a lot, I do, but… I thought we were meant to be <em> more, </em> ” she averted her eyes for a moment, squeezing his fingers lightly. “I was wrong because there’s Nini, obviously, or maybe I was just misreading the situation because I’ve never really done the whole <em> friends </em> thing before and I just got way in over my head… I don't know. But what I <em> do </em> know is that I can’t just <em> sit here </em> and be your friend anymore. <em> Not when you’re happy with someone who isn’t me. </em>”</p><p>Ricky didn’t know what to say. This felt suspiciously like a breakup, but not like his separation from Nini last year. This felt different, more painful, like someone had just punched him in the gut so hard he couldn’t breathe. </p><p>Gina watched him with those soft brown eyes, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Her expression almost seemed to be one of pity as she analyzed him, scanning his face for who knows what. Was she waiting for a response? An okay? A reaction that let her know that he was fine with this? Because she wouldn’t get it.</p><p>Ricky knew what it felt like to let Gina Porter slip through his fingers, and it wasn’t a feeling he wanted to relive. He could still remember the nights after she’d moved to New York, staring up at his ceiling, waiting for her response to his many messages. The response that rarely ever came. It was as if he couldn’t function when she was away, his entire body overcome with worry for the pretty ballerina who seemed to understand him like no one else could. He didn’t want to go through that again. </p><p>“No,” he mumbled, “No, no, you can’t be serious. I can’t just ‘let you go’, Gina, it’s not that simple! I don’t know who put this idea in your head that you’re <em> forgettable </em> , but you’re not,” Gina sighed, closing her eyes and dropping her chin to her chest. Ricky released one of her hands and placed his finger beneath her chin, lifting her head back to him. Her eyes shot open, and another tear fell. “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. I don’t <em> want </em>to live in a world without you in it.”</p><p>Gina stared at him for a few seconds before launching herself into his arms, holding him tightly around the neck. Ricky returned the embrace, feeling tears of his own build in his eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Ricky,” she said, a whisper near his ear, “I’m so sorry. I have to put myself first. I’m tired of always being the one who gets hurt.”</p><p>She pulled away, placing a light kiss on his cheek before disentangling herself completely. He missed her warmth almost immediately. Gina hurriedly wiped her face and took a deep breath before turning away from him. She cleared her throat, straightened her posture, and glanced over her shoulder. Her coldness from before seemed to have returned. </p><p>
  <em> But her voice was still as warm as ever.  </em>
</p><p>“Try to understand, Bowen.”</p><p>Then she walked away, leaving Ricky with nothing but tears, her scent, and a lip gloss stain on his cheek. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>I tried to find love</b>
</p><p>
  <b>In someone else too many times</b>
</p><p>
  <b>But I hope you know I mean it</b>
</p><p>
  <b>When I tell you you're the one that was on my mind</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> Present </em> </span>
</p><p>It was mid-February now, and rehearsals for the spring musical were in full effect. <em> Beauty and the Beast </em> or <em> La Belle et la Bête, </em> as Miss Jenn liked to call it (something about the French giving the title a bit of extra <em> flair </em>). He hadn’t really spoken to Gina since Nini left, aside from his weekly visits to the coffee shop where she worked. It felt a bit stalkerish to sit at the counter and watch as she bustled around, making drinks and baking pastries, completely ignoring his existence. She was serious about ending their friendship, more so than he’d thought. A part of him had hoped that after Nini left, she’d open up to him again. They could rebuild what they’d once had without restraint.</p><p>But Gina no longer seemed interested in being a part of his life at all. <em> The coffee shop was the only place he could see her smile. </em>Granted, it wasn’t a real one, not nearly as bright as the grins she’d once directed towards him, but it was better than the solemn glances he’d receive at school. </p><p>Ricky sighed as he walked toward the theatre alongside Red and EJ, headed to another 5 hour afterschool practice. While the two boys chatted about reality tv and Twitter drama, Ricky worried about what today’s practice would hold. Yesterday, Miss Jenn had told them that upon entering rehearsal, they’d perfect Be Our Guest, one of the largest numbers in the entire production. And who was playing Lumiere? </p><p>None other than yours truly.</p><p>He wasn’t sure how he’d scored the roll, considering his French accent was mediocre at best and his dancing was certainly not up to par, but just like last year, Miss Jenn and Carlos saw something in him that he didn’t see in himself. But he couldn’t complain too much. </p><p><em> Because Gina was playing Babette. </em> </p><p>She’d managed to avoid him during rehearsals so far, aside from the occasional 8-count, in which she’d avoid eye contact the whole time. They’d even managed to learn the Be Our Guest choreography separately, despite the fact that they were partners for the number. It reminded Ricky of last year’s musical, acting with a love interest who wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. The recurring theme would’ve made him laugh if being distanced from those he cared about didn’t hurt so much. </p><p>Today would be different. The scene was nearly 5 minutes long, and knowing how chaotic the East High School Theatre Department was, it would take nearly the entire practice to get it right. He hoped that he would get the chance to talk with her, to rekindle whatever it was they had before she’d left for New York. He was going to fix this. </p><p>As he walked through the auditorium’s double doors, he spotted Gina on the stage, stretching and chatting with some of the other dancers. His heart skipped a beat as he noticed that she was wearing the EHS hoodie he’d given her yet again. He couldn’t begin to describe the bit of happiness that sparked his brain whenever he saw her wearing it, fingertips curling around the too-long sleeves. It made him feel that there was a possibility that Gina did still want him in her life. It was something to hold onto. </p><p>Gina looked over in his direction, the corner of her lips quirking up slightly as she shot a small wave in his direction. That was new. He couldn’t contain the grin that spread across his face, and he began to raise a hand to wave back, when someone’s arm intercepted his. </p><p>“She’s waving at <em> me </em> ,” EJ said, shooting Gina his million watt smile and a salute, “Don’t be so eager, man. It’s <em> embarrassing. </em>”</p><p>Ricky felt his cheeks heat up as he tucked his hand into his pocket, continuing his path to the stage. His and EJ’s relationship was… <em> complicated. </em>The senior had become a lot closer to Gina since she’d moved in with Ashlyn, and originally, that unsettled Ricky. Then he realized that it was a potential opportunity. If he couldn’t talk to Gina directly, maybe talking to someone she was close to would give him some insight as to what she was thinking. EJ was little to no help, but at least he kept him from making a complete fool of himself from time to time. </p><p>As soon as the entire cast was on the stage, rehearsal commenced. </p><p>Ricky took his starting position on top of the dining table prop, and began to serenade Kourtney, who was playing Belle. He watched from the corner of his eye as Gina danced along with the students who were playing various other utensils, hoping that Miss Jenn wouldn’t notice that his mind was somewhere else. </p><p>As he approached the chorus of the song, he hopped off the table, and made his way to downstage left, where Gina was waiting for him. He took her hand and began the choreography he’d rehearsed with Carlos, spinning her into his chest and lifting her slightly into the air. Her proximity was enough to make him dizzy, and he was convinced that she could feel the way his heart threatened to escape through his rib cage. </p><p>Miss Jenn yelled cut as he placed her back down. Gina’s face was a blank slate, completely emotionless, as she turned to Miss Jenn awaiting instruction. </p><p>“It’s too stiff,” their teacher said, incorporating her hands in her speech to get the point across, “You two are Lumiere and Babette! You’re in love! That love should be shown through your movement! Take that 48-count again! Slower, this time. Carlos, count them off.”</p><p>Gina glanced at him briefly before resetting to starting position and painting on her stage smile. As they moved through the motions, he noticed her very obvious attempts to avoid eye contact. He looked at Miss Jenn, noting the look of disapproval on her face. </p><p>“You know,” he started, as he lifted her off her feet, “no one’s going to believe that we’re in love if you won’t even look at me.”</p><p>She huffed, cutting her eyes towards him before looking away again. </p><p>“Why are you talking? We’re meant to be rehearsing.” she whispered in reply, her motions fluid as he placed her onto the ground. She did a high kick (Ricky believed that Carlos called it a <em> grand-battement), </em> while he placed his hands gingerly on her hips from behind. </p><p>“Well, my dad always says that all good relationships stem from meaningful conversation.” he said as she placed her leg back on the ground, spun to face him, and took his hand in hers for a waltz. </p><p>“Good thing we aren’t in a relationship then.”</p><p>“But our characters are. Meaning that we should talk. Method acting, and all that.” </p><p>Gina sized him up, her brow lifted in suspicion, before kicking her leg back into an arabesque. </p><p>“We have nothing to talk about.” she said plainly, as if their relationship were really that simple, that transparent. It made Ricky's heart clench. </p><p>He spun her once more before dipping her, marking the end of their 48-count. <em> “I think we do.” </em></p><p>“I’m still not feeling it, guys,” Carlos commented from the first row, “Have you ever seen <em> Beauty and the Beast? </em> Lumiere is head over heels for Babette. And vice versa. When you two look at each other, I wanna see sparks! Longing! <em> ‘The love of my life is a feather duster and I am devastated that I can no longer hold her in my arms! Because I do not have arms… I’m a candlestick.’ </em> Give me <em> that </em> emotion instead of whatever <em> sad teen drama </em>vibe you two are giving off right now.”</p><p>Ricky saw the way Gina stiffened at that statement. If there was one thing the girl prided herself on, it was her professionalism on stage. The fact that she was letting their history affect her stage presence bothered her. He hated to see her looking so crestfallen, even if she wasn’t speaking to him. </p><p>“Take it from the same place,” Miss Jenn sighed, “With the singing this time, Ricky. Background vocalists, join in!”</p><p>As Gina began to walk away, Ricky grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. </p><p>“Seriously though, Gi, we really should talk. About <em> us. </em>With Nini gone and everything-”</p><p>“Ricky,” she interrupted, glaring at him pointedly, “I have <em> nothing </em> to say to you. There is no <em> us. </em>Not anymore.” She pulled her arm away. “Just sing the song, pretend to be in love with me, and try not to step on my toes, okay?” </p><p><em> Pretend to be in love with her. </em> That wouldn’t be hard. Because he <em> wouldn’t </em> be pretending. So why did she say it like it was some unbelievable feat?</p><p>Maybe that’s what she needed. <em> Reassurance. </em> A definite sign that Ricky Bowen couldn’t live his life without Gina Porter in it. A sign that he was over Nini, never should’ve gotten back with Nini in the first place. Being docile and reserved, waiting for the slightest smile or wave, wouldn’t cut it. Ricky needed to be <em> bold.  </em></p><p>
  <em> So bold he would be.  </em>
</p><p>This time, as he moved towards her, he added a bow before taking her hand and letting her lead him through the movements. Whenever she tried to break eye contact, he’d lift a finger to turn her head towards him, smirking in a way that was so perfectly Lumiere that he caught Miss Jenn smiling at the sight. </p><p>He even managed to slip a <em> “mon ange chérie” </em>between the lyrics, and was pleasantly surprised at the tinge of pink on Gina’s cheeks at the term of endearment that was so unlike him. </p><p>“What the hell are you doing?” Gina chided during a brief music break. </p><p>“Less talking,” Ricky said, leaning in to whisper into her ear, “more dancing. Remember?”</p><p>Gina rolled her eyes, but he didn’t miss the way the corners of her lips turned upwards slightly, as if she couldn’t help but smile at his out-of-character theatrics. </p><p>As he dipped her, singing the final words of the chorus, he couldn’t help but get lost in her eyes, studying his face in a way that he couldn’t quite explain. There was a smile tugging at her lips, a light blush painted over her cheeks; it reminded him of the way she'd look at him on those late nights in the skatepark, her eyes soft and expressive. Her confusion at his actions was evident, but if he wasn’t mistaken… Was there a bit of intrigue as well? </p><p>They were so close that he could feel her breath against his cheek, smell the coconut conditioner she used on her curls. He was completely immersed in the raging ocean that was Gina Porter, and he never wanted to stop swimming. <em> Even if he’d drown. </em> </p><p>He realized in that moment that it was the first time she’d looked at him with an expression besides disappointment, anger, or sadness since she’d come back to Salt Lake. He couldn’t help hoping that it was the start of something new. Or rather, the return of something he’d been missing. The thought filled him with elation. </p><p>So much elation that, before he could stop himself, he closed the distance between them, placing a feather light kiss on her forehead before resting his head against the spot, relishing in the feel of her in his arms. She stiffened, her breath hitching in her throat.</p><p>“R- Ricky? What are you doing?” she stammered, a sound reminiscent of a giggle escaping before she seemingly began to relax into his touch. </p><p><em> “Pretending,” </em>he joked, huffing out a breathless laugh as he pulled her upright, still pressed against his chest.</p><p>She blinked, as if she was taken aback, before the soft look in her eyes hardened into a glare that could cut diamonds. She shoved him away, hurt painting over her features. Perhaps that wasn't the right thing to say? “Don’t do that again. <em> Please </em>. God, Ricky, can’t you do anything right?” </p><p>Ricky’s heart dropped into his stomach. Gina was an enigma, some sort of puzzle he couldn’t wrap his head around, no matter how hard he tried. One moment she’d be in his arms, and the world couldn’t feel more right, and the next she was looking at him with so much disgust that it threatened to break him. It was as if she no longer trusted herself to let her walls down around him, but every so often, she’d allow him the faintest glance. Then they’d go right back up again. </p><p>“It was a creative decision,” he tried, attempting to fix a situation that was quickly falling out of his grasp. “We’re in love! Right, Los?” He turned to where Carlos was sitting and was met with wide eyes and a smile of unwavering glee.</p><p>“That was <em> everything! </em> ” The boy exclaimed, clasping his hands together excitedly. Miss Jenn was sporting a similar expression, nodding along with his words. “I could see it in your eyes, a couple madly in love! It’s exactly what a good Lumiere and Babette need! A dashing charmer with a heart of gold and his crazy talented <em> ange chérie </em>!”</p><p>“See, Gina, it was in character! Acting, ya know?”</p><p>Gina examined him with a look of disbelief, which he couldn’t help but think he deserved. Nothing about those last 6 8-counts felt “in character”, and they both knew it. That wouldn’t stop him from playing damage control. Anything to keep her from being angry at him, though it didn’t seem to be working very well. </p><p>“If it isn’t about my <em> jazz square </em>, I really don’t care for Carlos’ opinions. I didn’t like what you did with the scene.”</p><p>“I did exactly what you asked!”</p><p>“Well, a girl can change her mind! I’m sure you know all about changing your mind, don’t you, Bowen?” </p><p>Gina crossed her arms over her chest, sizing Ricky up as she often did these days. He should’ve grown used to it by now, but each time, it seemed to hurt him more and more. He just didn’t know how to talk to her anymore, how to make her understand what he was feeling. He didn’t want to fight her. He spent all of last semester arguing with Nini, and he knew how that ended.</p><p>Things with Gina were meant to be different. They <em> had </em>to be different. </p><p>“C’mon, Gi, you know it wasn’t like that-”</p><p>“What did I tell you about the nicknames?”</p><p>“Well- technically you only said not to call you <em> Ballerina </em>, which I didn’t.”</p><p>Gina took a few steps toward him, and he fought the urge to step away. This facade she’d put on, this mean girl act, was nothing but that. <em> An act. </em>The fact that she was trying to protect herself from him… How could he even forgive himself for hurting her that badly? </p><p>“I don’t want you calling me <em> anything. </em> I don’t want to talk to you. I’d honestly prefer to not have to be around you, but some force in the universe hated me enough to make Miss Jenn cast me as your love interest. And I’ll deal with that! Because I’m a <em> professional. </em> But I don’t want you whispering in my ear or- or cradling me in your arms,” the words died on her tongue as she glanced down at the hoodie she’d discarded at the edge of the stage. “Or looking at me like <em> that. </em> And I sure as <em> hell </em> don’t want you kissing me. So stay in your lane, and I’ll stay in mine.”</p><p>Ricky tried to think of a way to salvage the situation, but failed. He was in <em> way </em>over his head. He looked around exasperatedly, searching for some sort of sign, when his eyes locked with EJ’s in the wings.</p><p><em> “Say something, idiot!” </em>The senior mouthed, making some sort of Charades-like motions with his hands. </p><p>“Bu- but Miss Jenn!” he stammered stupidly, “She likes it when we take our own direction creatively! Letting our <em> true feelings </em> show through our characters?” His tone was what he hoped was indicative. Miss Jenn nodded eagerly. </p><p>“You think I’m going to take acting advice from the woman who thought <em> you and Nini </em> had romantic chemistry last year?” </p><p>“Alright, that's enough!” Miss Jenn shouted, and Ricky was relieved that Gina’s attention was no longer on him. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I refuse to have another show ruined by a lover’s quarrel! I hope that you two aren’t busy after rehearsals because you just scored yourself two hour’s worth of <em> Reflectention </em>!”</p><p>“Excuse me?” Gina said.</p><p>“I don’t believe in detention. It’s too negative. Instead, I give <em> Reflectention, </em> a chance for students to truly reflect on their actions and become better people! And <em> you two </em>are going to use it to talk out whatever problems you’re facing and come to a conclusion about this scene. And while you’re at it, you can sort through all of the old scripts left behind by the last drama teacher. Throw out anything that’s turning brown.”</p><p>Gina scoffed. “Rehearsals end at 7:30 today. You can’t seriously expect us to sort scripts and <em> talk about our feelings </em>until 9:30.”</p><p>Miss Jenn paused for a moment, contemplating. “That’s true, I suppose. Well, it’s nearly 5. I guess you can start your two hours now and reflect for the rest of rehearsal.”</p><p>“Miss Jenn, please-”</p><p>“It’s non-negotiable, Miss Porter. Everyone, take 10 and report back! We’re going to shift our focus to Gaston for today. Carlos, make sure that Ricky and Gina make it to my office in one piece.”</p><p>Gina brushed past Ricky and hopped off of the stage, muttering an <em> unbelievable </em> under her breath before collecting her things. Before he was able to follow, a hand landed on his shoulder. </p><p>“Dude, what was <em> that? </em>” EJ asked, looking at him like he was a poor excuse for a human being. </p><p>“I… I have no idea. Was that as bad as I think it was?”</p><p>“It was a <em> trainwreck. </em> Combined with a 7-car pileup. And then a plane landed on top of it. And then all of the wreckage was hit by a tsunami and whisked into the ocean. Then-”</p><p>“I get it, EJ!” Ricky exclaimed, burying his face in his hands. “I don’t know how to act around her anymore! I just want things to go back to the way they were, but she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”</p><p>“No, look, Ricky,” EJ started, “Gina Porter is one of the smartest people I know. But… she’s used to people leaving her behind. Kind of like how you did on opening night.”</p><p>Ricky groaned. “It wasn’t like that-”</p><p>“It’s never <em> like that </em>. The point is, she isn’t used to people coming back. It’s unnatural to her. You’re gonna have to spell it out for her. Make your intentions known. Be clear, be confident, maybe flirt a little.”</p><p>“Isn’t that what I just did?” Ricky sighed. “The eye contact? The kiss? I felt like I was being pretty obvious!”</p><p>EJ rolled his eyes, looking at Ricky like he was a lost cause. “Right. You were being <em> obvious </em> in the middle of a <em> scene </em> where you two <em> play love interests </em> . And then proceeded to tell her after the scene that you were <em> ‘pretending’.” </em></p><p>“It was a joke!”</p><p>“It was a bad one! Listen to me, dude. You’re about to be alone with her in Miss Jenn’s office for the next two hours, and knowing Carlos, he’ll lock you two in there.”</p><p>“<em> What </em>?”</p><p>“Be Our Guest is his biggest piece in the show. He won’t want you two leaving without making up. Point is, you’re being given an opportunity. <em>Don’t </em>screw it up. Gina’s not like everyone else. If you want to be with her, you’re gonna have to dive in headfirst. Are you up for that?”</p><p>“Absolutely.” There wasn’t a doubt in his mind about it.</p><p>“Good. And one more thing,” EJ paused, his eyes finding Gina offstage before moving back to Ricky. “I’ve spent more time with Gina in the past 6 weeks than you have in the past 6 months.” Ricky wasn’t sure if that was true, but he didn’t interrupt. “I <em> know </em> her. And I care about her. Don’t hurt her again. Because if you do… let’s just say we’re going to need another basketball. And this time, <em> I won't be the one getting hit. </em>”</p><p>EJ flashed a smile before hopping off the stage, headed in Kourtney’s direction. Ricky looked up to the ceiling, letting the stage lights blind him just for a moment before looking into the audience seats where Gina was sitting. She’d put his hoodie back on, and was mindlessly playing with the drawstring as she swiped through her phone. She seemed so relaxed in that moment, like nothing was bothering her. But he knew of the storm brewing inside. </p><p>And he was ready to face it. </p><p>
  <em> Whatever it took.  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. part 3: Gina</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“I’m looking you in the eyes. And I’m telling you. I don’t want whatever it is that you’re offering.”</p><p>“I’m offering myself. I want to be completely and utterly yours, Gina.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it’s been so long since i’ve updates this yikes ! enjoy :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You take one side of the shelf. I take the other. It’s simple. And no <em> communication </em> is necessary. Got it?”</p><p>“But Gina-”</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>Gina turned her back on Ricky and took a few steps toward her end of the shelf, grabbing a stack of withered scripts before plopping onto the tile floor. She felt Ricky’s eyes burning into the side of her face, setting her skin aflame. She heard him sigh, then heard the rustling of papers coming from his direction, indicating that he’d begun sorting too. </p><p>Gina knew she was confusing him. Hell, she was confusing herself. It was like her heart and her head were in a constant battle, and although she’d always followed her head, her heart was tugging a little harder this time. </p><p>
  <em> Tugging her towards him.  </em>
</p><p>Of course she liked Ricky. She’d meant every word that left her mouth in that hallway 6 weeks ago. She thought that she and Ricky would be together, be a couple, her first ever relationship. She’d pop up at his house and they’d bake cupcakes and cuddle on the couch watching movies until the sun set, sneaking kisses under bundles of covers or whatever other things couples did. </p><p>But he’d chosen someone else. And it hurt like <em> hell.  </em></p><p>She didn’t know how to react when she’d landed back in Salt Lake before the semester began and Ashlyn told her of Ricky and Nini’s new relationship status. She shouldn’t have been shocked. She <em> knew </em> Ricky, and she knew that look that was in his eyes on opening night. It was <em> longing. </em>But for someone that wasn’t her. </p><p>Avoiding him seemed like the obvious answer. After all, all she’d ever done was leave her problems behind, move on to the next city, the next house that never quite felt like home. </p><p>So now, she’d do the same. Or at least, try to. The only problem was… <em> Ricky felt like home. </em>He sparked a sense of belonging within her like no one ever had before, and now that it was missing, a part of her felt empty. He’d left a dull ache in her chest that wouldn’t subside. </p><p>But no matter how much comfort she felt when wrapped in his arms, his scent like cinnamon spice mixed with something even more sweet, she couldn’t bring herself to reconcile things with him, even after Nini’s unfortunate (?) departure. </p><p>It would be nothing but a constant reminder that he was her <em> everything </em> and she was <em> nothing.  </em></p><p>
  <em> Nothing but an understudy in a play that she didn’t want to be a part of. </em>
</p><p>So she sat quietly 3 feet away from him, grimacing at scripts that had turned nearly the color of her mom’s hot cocoa, and listening to the unsteady sounds of his breathing. He sighed a couple of times before the papers stopped rustling. A few moments of silence from his side of the shelf prompted her to glance towards him. </p><p>He was already looking at her. </p><p>“Shouldn't you be doing something?” she mumbled, her eyes not quite meeting his. There was something about the way he looked at her these days, something that wasn’t the same as before, but wasn’t necessarily different either. His eyes were always so soft, always beautiful, but now they held this <em> intensity </em> that sent chills down her spine. </p><p>“Yep.” he said curtly, his eyes not leaving her. She hoped he didn’t see her squirming under his gaze. </p><p>“Then why aren’t you doing it?” she asked. </p><p>“Because I’m looking at you.”</p><p>She paused, her eyes finally landing on his face. He had that same Lumiere smirk painted on, as if he’d brought his character into Miss Jenn’s office with him. It reminded Gina of the stunt he’d pulled during their scene earlier, and she willed her cheeks not to heat up. It was so unlike him, yet being in his arms, his lips grazing her skin, had never felt more familiar. </p><p>It didn’t matter, though, because as he said, he was acting. It meant <em> nothing </em>. So why the hell was he looking at her like that right now?</p><p>“Ricky, if this is some game, I’m not interested in playing.” she’d stated, forcing a look of annoyance. “Quit staring and just sort the scripts so we can leave.”</p><p>“...You’re beautiful, you know that, Gina?”</p><p>The heat under her cheeks was nearly as fierce as the raging winds of a hurricane, an endless storm that Ricky Bowen seemed to stir up inside of her. She set her scripts onto the ground and turned towards him , clasping her hands in her lap before her. </p><p>“What’s up with you today?” she asked, the question eating at her since they’d left the stage. </p><p>“What do you mean?” he questioned back, with a tilt of his head and a sparkle in his eye. </p><p>“You keep trying to, I don’t know, provoke me?”</p><p>He scoffed. “I paid you a compliment.”</p><p>“I didn’t ask for your compliments,” Gina replied, trying to keep her tone at bay despite the mix of anger and heartache she felt building in her chest. “All I ever asked was that you leave me <em> alone </em> . Instead, you seem set on <em> bothering </em> me until I do something I’ll regret.”</p><p>“What could you possibly do to me that you’ll <em> regret </em>?”</p><p>Gina rolled her eyes, standing to her feet. She could think of a list of Ricky Bowen-related phenomena that she already regretted, due to the unfortunate outcome of their relationship. </p>
<ol>
<li>Asking him for a ride home from Homecoming. </li>
<li>Kissing his cheek that night. </li>
<li>Relishing in every subtle touch, every small glance that made her heart flutter inside her rib cage.</li>
<li>Falling for him. </li>
</ol><p>The list could go on for days. </p><p>“Where are you going?” he asked, standing to his feet as well. He trailed her over to the door, and she sighed as she placed her hand on the doorknob, only to discover that it was locked. She turned to face Ricky, ignoring how close he was. </p><p>“Did you lock us in here?”</p><p>“No! Carlos did. EJ told me he might, something about not wanting us to leave without making up, but part of me thought he was bluffing.” He shrugged. Gina fought the urge to strangle him. </p><p>“So you <em> knew </em> what Carlos planned to do, and yet, you came in here <em> willingly, </em> and neglected to tell me about it?” </p><p>He nodded, a nervous smile crossing his lips as he reached his hand up to rub the back of his neck. “It sounds dumb when you put it that way.”</p><p>“It is <em> dumb! </em>” Gina said, allowing her voice to raise a bit now. Months ago, she would've been fine with the idea of being stuck in an office with browning scripts and a strange lemony smell with Ricky. He brightened every room he was in, at least in her eyes. But now, all he did was bring up painful memories, and the thought of being second best. </p><p>“Whoa, whoa! Calm down! Carlos will come let us out before practice is over! Besides, this gives us the perfect opportunity to talk.”</p><p>Gina froze. <em> Talk. </em>He always wanted to do that these days, but she couldn’t think of anything worse. She knew that talking to Ricky was never casual, never simple. He easily drew out her secrets, her fears, every bit of her conscious laid bare before him in as little as a conversation. </p><p>She didn’t need that at the moment. </p><p>“There’s nothing to talk about.” she said, her voice a mumble once more, her eyes landing on her shuffling shoes.</p><p>”There’s a lot to talk about.” he replied, and she could feel his eyes searching to find hers. </p><p>She sighed, finally looking up at him. He shot her a soft smile, and she hated the way her body wanted to relax, naturally wanted to let its guard down in his presence. </p><p>“I already told you I didn’t want to talk.”</p><p>“Why?” he looked so deflated; it nearly drove her to sadness. </p><p>“I told you why! You’re not good for me, Ricky.”</p><p>“I’m <em> perfect </em>for you, Gina.”</p><p>Gina’s emotions could only be described as a rollercoaster in that moment. Her reflexes told her to react with anger. How dare he make that choice for her? How dare he not respect her wishes? But her heart… her heart had longed for those words for so long. Longed for the sincerity behind his eyes. But Gina had quickly learned that her heart couldn’t be trusted. That left her with reflex. </p><p>She pushed past him, desperate to make space between them before her anger boiled over. She didn’t want to fight him, didn’t want to start another yelling match where she threw out meaningless insults and he looked upon her with every ounce of something like longing. He only followed. </p><p>“You know that I’m right, Gina. You can’t tell me that you don’t feel what's happening here.” </p><p>
  <em> “I don’t feel what’s happening here.” </em>
</p><p>“There’s no point in denying it.”</p><p>She ran out of space to walk (stupid wall), so she turned back to face him, her arms crossing over her chest. “<em> I’m </em> not in denial. <em> You’re </em> being ridiculous.”</p><p>“I’m ridiculous for wanting to fix our relationship?”</p><p>“There’s no <em> relationship </em>to fix-”</p><p>“Would you stop saying that?” His voice raised slightly, and he ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “God, why does this have to be so difficult?”</p><p>Gina scoffed. “I tried to make it easy for you. Simply don’t speak to me, and boom! Problem solved.”</p><p>Ricky stared at her, mouth slightly agape. From this close, she could see tiny freckles that dotted the bridge of his nose. Not that she was looking. </p><p>“That solves nothing. You <em> not </em> being a part of my life is the problem! I miss going to the skatepark and holding your hand while you try out the different ramps and sneaking you out of your room in the dead of night to order random crap from fast food restaurants! I miss going to Redonovich’s and playing the claw machine even though we’re both <em> awful </em> at it and always end up broke by the end of the night. I miss taking funny pictures with you and clipping them up in my room. I miss watching the stars from your balcony until you fall asleep on my shoulder. I miss <em> you </em>, Gina. How am I supposed to solve that?” </p><p>She didn’t know what to say. The memories flood her brain; the laughter, his cold hand against her warm one, fitting perfectly together like hot and cold puzzle pieces. The warmth of the crook of his neck on those cool nights, the way his lips would find their spot on her temple when he thought she was asleep. Of course she missed it too. But then she remembered who he chose. </p><p>Even after all of that, after everything he claimed he was missing, he chose someone else. How could you possibly miss something that was so <em> disposable </em>?</p><p>“That’s tough.” was all she could muster. She fought the urge to tear her eyes away from him. She wouldn’t let him see how broken she was. Never again. </p><p>“That’s… that’s all you have to say?” She wished he’d stop doing that. Asking her questions with that pained look in his eyes, as if he was suffering just as badly as she was. As if he understood her pain. </p><p>“I really don’t understand what you want me to say,” she said, shaking her head. “You know why those days ended. And you know why we can’t go back. This is pointless.”</p><p>“But we could go back. I just want a second chance. I screwed up, okay? But we can make this right! We can be happy!”</p><p>She hated herself for considering his words. They washed over her like a spell, compelling words of agreement to pour out like a fountain. But she fought them off with all her might.</p><p>“Fine. You want to talk? Let’s talk. What about Nini?”</p><p>He paused, a look of perplexion crossing his face. “What <em> about </em>Nini?”</p><p>“Well,” Gina cleared her throat, forcing the words out no matter how much the thought of them stung her eyes. “You love her, don't you? Second she comes back from school, you’ll be all over her again, begging for forgiveness for whatever you did to make her dump you. And then <em> we </em>will be right back here.”</p><p>He shook his head, taking the smallest of steps closer to her. She tried not to shrink under his gaze. “That won’t happen!”</p><p>“You sound pretty sure of that.”</p><p>“I’m completely sure of it, actually.”</p><p>“And how is that?”</p><p>He smiled, that million dollar smile that made fireworks go off in Gina’s heart, that made her want to take him in her arms and never let go. </p><p>
  <em> “She’s not you.” </em>
</p><p>Her arms dropped to her sides. She couldn’t quite process his words. Before, her not being Nini was the reason she’d lost him, and now, it was the reason he wanted her to stay? </p><p>Ricky seemed to sense the smallest opening in her tough exterior, and continued. </p><p>“I won’t go running back to Nini because she’s not the girl who I can't ever get off my mind. She’s not the girl I visit a coffee shop for regularly, even though I <em> despise </em> coffee. She’s not the one who creates new constellations for me, or teaches me how to bake. She’s not <em> Gina Porter. </em>”</p><p>No. No, no, no. She willed herself to stay strong. She’d already decided her fate with Ricky Bowen, and she was scared to risk feeling that ache again, even more so than she already did. Gina couldn’t let herself fall for his sweet words, or the way his eyes sparkled that way they did on all their nights under the stars. He took her hand in his, and she stilled. </p><p>“C’mon, <em>Gi,</em>” he teased lightly, swinging their hands between them. “We can do this. We’re <em>Ricky</em> <em>and Gina. </em>We’re unstoppable.”</p><p>“No,” she said, but she couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze. She didn’t take her hand from his. “We can’t.”</p><p>“You know you want to.”</p><p>“No, I don’t.”</p><p>“You totally do! You can’t even look me in the eyes.”</p><p>Curse her for never backing down from a challenge. She looked up, trying to make her gaze as hard as steel, but feeling that it was about as hard as a pillow. </p><p>“I’m looking you in the eyes. And I’m telling you. I don’t want whatever it is that you’re offering.”</p><p>Ricky smirked at her; he could tell she was on the verge of considering it. Damn him and his peculiar skill of knowing exactly what she was thinking. </p><p>“I’m offering myself. I want to be completely and utterly <em> yours </em>, Gina.”</p><p>Aw, hell. He was surprisingly good at this. She fought away a blush. </p><p>“I’m sorry to break it to you, Bowen, but I don’t <em> want </em>you.”</p><p>“You sure? Because I definitely feel like there’s romance in the air. I sense a little flirting going on here, and I’m really enjoying it.” He smiled again, the brightness of it nearly blinding her good judgment. He rubbed gentle circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. She wondered why she couldn’t find the nerve to pull away. </p><p>“I’m not flirting with you! You’re an <em> idiot.” </em></p><p>
  <em> “Your idiot.” </em>
</p><p>“Ricky-”</p><p>“Ooooh, you wanna kiss me so bad!” he said with a laugh, and Gina huffed in disbelief. </p><p>
  <em> “Excuse me?” </em>
</p><p>“You want to kiss me! I see it in your eyes. I’ve always been really good at reading those.”</p><p>He wasn’t wrong. Gina had dreamed of kissing him ever since that night in his beat-up Beetle. But she’d never admit to that. </p><p>“Yeah, I think the fumes in here are seeping into your brain. You’re insane.”</p><p>“Is this one of the things you think you’ll regret? I promise you won’t. After all, we’re basically meant to be together, so I’m sure it’ll be perfect. Look, I’ll even meet you halfway.”</p><p>He closed his eyes, smile still evident, and leaned towards her stopping when his face hovered near hers. He continued babbling more nonsense, his eyes still shut and his smirk taunting her. He couldn’t seriously expect her to kiss him. He was playing her, some flirting game that she’d never seen him play before, but he was nailing it. He was bold, confident, and smooth talking. </p><p>But so was Gina Porter. She needed to establish control, of both her own emotions and of the cockiness of the boy who was convinced he had her heart. She needed to stop his words before her brain started to believe them. </p><p>So she took a deep breath, studied him briefly (he was in the middle of saying something about how he regretted not kissing her earlier), and pressed her lips to his. </p><p>So. This had made sense to Gina a few seconds ago. She never backed down from a challenge. She could shut him up easily by doing what he didn’t expect. She could show him what he gave up, and leave the situation with the satisfaction of knowing that he knew she didn’t want him anymore. That she was fine without him. </p><p>She was the bold one. She was confident. Her happiness didn’t depend on whether or not he wanted her. </p><p>But that was before she experienced the dizzying sensation of his mouth against hers, warm and tasting faintly of Skittles (the purple ones, specifically; had he picked around all the others?). That was before he began to kiss back, tentative and sweet, as if he couldn’t believe she’d actually done it. </p><p>She couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid as to think she could leave <em> this </em> situation unscathed. As if she hadn’t dreamed of this moment for months on end. The way he clouded her brain intensified endlessly as she snaked her arms around his neck, buried her fingers in his curls. She didn’t understand how something so new and electrifying could feel so natural. So <em> right.  </em></p><p>The feel of his cool palm against her cheek snapped her back to her senses. She immediately pulled away in a panic, arms retreating from around his neck so wildly that she accidentally struck him in the face. He reeled back, a look of shock and confusion crossing his face. </p><p>“Um, <em> ow? </em> What was that for?!”</p><p>Gina covered her mouth with both her hands, mumbling a small apology before running towards the office door. She tried the knob again, hoping that some higher power realized how badly she needed an out right now. No such luck. She resorted to banging on the door and yelling Carlos’ name. </p><p>“Gina, calm down! There’s no need to freak out!” he said, his tone a bit concerned as he cupped the cheek she’d struck. </p><p>She whipped around. “<em> No need to freak out?! </em> We just did… <em> that! </em>” </p><p>“Okay, so what! Sure, this isn’t the most romantic environment for a first kiss, but I’m sure it’ll be a memorable moment all the same!”</p><p>Gina stared at him, dumbstruck. “You just <em> kissed </em>me!”</p><p>Ricky tilted his head to the side, a small laugh escaping his lips. “You kind of kissed me first.”</p><p>Gina began to pace, waving her hands around as she spoke. “Okay, sure, but you weren’t supposed to kiss me back! It was supposed to be a surprise! Revenge for all of your challenging and teasing! I was supposed to pull away and leave you standing there in awe of me, or whatever.”</p><p>“Definitely in awe,” he said, blushing slightly. “Then again, I don’t think there’s ever been a day where I <em> haven’t </em> been in awe of you.”</p><p>“Can you hush?” Gina exclaimed, startling the boy. “What is your issue? The flirting and the cockiness? This is so… unlike you. You sound like… Oh my god.” She scolded herself for not noticing it sooner. “You took advice from EJ, didn’t you?”</p><p>Ricky responded by rubbing the back of his neck and sending her a crooked smile. She grimaced. </p><p>“Why would you listen to <em> EJ </em>about relationships? He poisoned a girl!”</p><p>Ricky floundered. “Well, he said he knew you better than I do, and apparently, he was right! My methods resulted in you ignoring me and his resulted in one hell of a kiss!”</p><p>“You’re so <em> stupid! </em> ” Gina screeched. “That kiss meant nothing; I was just trying to prove a point. And you seriously think EJ knows me better than you? <em> No one </em>knows me better than you!” She trailed off towards the end, not meaning to let that bit of information slip out. Luckily, Ricky skimmed right over it. </p><p>“I’m sorry, okay! You’re right, the whole <em> teasing smirking flirting your way into a girl’s heart </em> technique is not my thing! But I was desperate, Gina. I meant everything that I said. I miss you, and I <em> know </em> that I’m the guy for you. I just want you to give me a chance. Give <em> us </em>a chance.”</p><p>“You tried to trick me, Ricky! You seriously expect me to believe that? Look-”</p><p>The door knob jiggles behind her, and she turned to see EJ opening the door, a cool smirk crossing his lips. </p><p>“We heard knocking,” he started, “Ms. Jenn sent me to see what all the commotion was about. How’s everything going in here?”</p><p>Gina crossed her arms, sending him a glare like no other. “Next time anyone asks you for dating advice regarding me, <em> don’t </em> answer. I’m not some <em> toy </em> that you and your buddies can fool around with.” </p><p>She turned to Ricky, hoping that she was doing a good job at masking the hurt of being manipulated by him, the first person she’d allowed herself to trust in forever. “And you? Anyone with common sense would know that if you wanted someone to fall for you, you should act like <em>you.</em> So, congrats. Hopefully you got what you wanted.” </p><p>She pushed past EJ and rushed down the hall, out into the crisp winter air. She tried to catch her breath and stop the angry tears from falling. But they fell anyway, landing on her lips, which still tingled from his touch. </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> 10 Days Later… </em> </span>
</p><p>“Hang on, hang on, rewind. You’re telling me, it’s been 10 days since Gina kissed you, and you haven’t said anything to her about it?? Like, at all?”</p><p>Gina didn’t mean to eavesdrop. She was simply minding her business, heading to the caf to meet Kourt and Ash to discuss makeup ideas for the show. But when she passed the music room and heard Red mention her name, she couldn’t help but pause outside the cracked door. Sure, her ear was nearly pressed to the door frame to make sure she didn’t miss anything, but she didn’t <em> mean </em>to eavesdrop! She was naturally curious! And very observant. That’s all. </p><p>“What am I supposed to say to her? It’s not like her reaction was <em> positive. </em> She <em> ran away.” </em>Ricky responded, sounding exasperated. </p><p>“That’s only because you were acting like me,” EJ piped in, “which I still don’t understand because… <em> no one </em> can act like <em> me. </em>I’m pretty untouchable.” </p><p>Gina rolled her eyes. As much as she loved her fill-in big brother, he really had a bad habit of being a pompous <em> ass. </em> But was he right? If Ricky had been unapologetically himself during that moment, a sweet, caring boy who claimed that he wanted to be hers and only hers, would she have run? <em> Could </em>she have run?</p><p>“Yes, untouchable and the giver of really crappy advice.” Ricky sighed, and Gina could imagine him running his hand through his curls in frustration, the same curls she had tangled her fingers into less than two weeks ago. </p><p>“Hey, you can’t blame EJ entirely! His advice does work. I’ve seen him in action with like half of this school’s male population. EJ’s the best flirt I know!” Red exclaimed. Gina heard the sound of two hands slapping together, and imagined that Red had just given EJ a high five. </p><p>“Well, Gina’s not like all of them. She- she’s not like anyone I’ve ever met before, I should’ve known it wouldn’t work. She’s <em> different, </em> in the best possible way. She always has been.” Gina could imagine the soft look in his eyes, and the image of that mixed with the honey sweetness of his voice was nearly enough to make her bust the door down. She hated when he got like that; sentimental and <em> real. </em>It made protecting her heart 1,000 times harder. </p><p>“We know, we know, we’ve heard about your crush a million and one times. Write it into a journal or something, it’s so weird hearing you gush about her like this.” EJ said, a huff of air leaving his lips. </p><p>“It’s not a <em> crush. </em> It’s more than that,” Gina’s heartbeat was so loud that she could hear it in her ears. She worried that the three boys in the room might hear it too. “And I’m not <em> gushing.” </em></p><p>“You’re totally gushing.” </p><p>“Agreed. You’re a gusher, dude.”</p><p>“Seriously, Red?”</p><p>“Sorry,” Red started. “He’s right. She’s all you’ve talked about ever since homecoming last year. Even when you were with Nini, all you could think about was why Gina wouldn’t speak to you.”</p><p>“We weren’t even friends then, and I heard you complaining on the <em> daily. </em> ” EJ claimed. “ <em> ‘I miss Gina! Nini is great, but she doesn’t understand me the way Gi does! Nini hates stargazing!” </em></p><p>“What kind of person hates stargazing? Gina <em> loves </em>stargazing.”</p><p>“Gina loves stargazing <em> with you. </em>” EJ corrected. “I tried to make her go one night with me and Ash because she seemed down, and she refused. I even bought these expensive ass telescopes from Amazon. My dad was pissed.”</p><p>He was right. Sure, Gina enjoyed stargazing. Her dad was a total <em> nerd </em> when it came to stars, and they’d sit on the roof for hours, identifying constellations and hoping that a shooting star would pass through the sky and allow them to wish for the impossible. But then her father left, and stargazing became filled with painful memories and reminders of what she’d lost. <em> Until Ricky.  </em></p><p>She remembered the first time they found themselves staring at the night skies like it happened yesterday. It was the night that the theatre kids had stayed up preparing their <em> #SaveMissJenn </em>performance at Red’s house. It was nearly 3 a.m. by the time they’d finished, but even after a long night of Gina teaching him choreography and Ricky attempting to distract her by playing a few chords on his guitar, he wasn’t ready to go home. Neither was she. Despite the late hour, she wasn’t tired. There was something about Ricky that made time seem like it was going by slower, her minutes feeling like hours; she wanted to revel in every single second of it. </p><p>They’d ended up at a random park that was on the way to her house, and Ricky plopped down into the tall grasses, smiling up at her with a dopey grin and eyes that reflected the moonlight. </p><p>“What are you doing?” Gina asked, unable to stop the smile from spreading across her face as she looked down at him, his curls intermingled with blades of grass. </p><p>“I’m resting,” he responded, nuzzling further into the ground. “That choreo is no joke. I don’t know how you’re so good at it.”</p><p>“Practice makes perfect.” Gina said. “And you weren't half bad yourself. You’re gonna do an awesome job.”</p><p>Ricky scoffed, a hint of laughter in his voice. “Yeah, right. I told you, I’m not great at the 1, 2, stuff. But luckily, I’ll be next to you the whole time, so everyone will be looking at <em> you </em> instead of me.” He patted the ground next to him. Gina rolled her eyes and sat down gingerly. </p><p>“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re <em> talented </em> , Ricky. Own it! You’re <em> Troy Bolton </em>. Captain of the basketball team, lead of the school musical, and owner of the heart of one Gabriella Montez. Total package.”</p><p>He paused for a second, looking away from her and towards the skies. She followed his gaze; she’d never noticed how the bright the stars in Salt Lake shone. </p><p>“I’ve been thinking…” he started, eyes still on the sky. “Maybe <em> this </em> Troy Bolton doesn’t want the heart of <em> Gabriella </em>.” His eyes glanced towards her, and she felt her breath hitch. “Maybe there’s someone else at East High for him.”</p><p>“Maybe.” Gina replied, voice coming out as a whisper. He smiled, the soft one where she could make out the slight dimple in his right cheek. Then he glanced back to the stars. </p><p>“Lay down,” he said. “We can stargaze like all those cliche teens in coming of age movies.”</p><p>Gina laughed, surprised that she didn’t feel the usual pang in her heart at the thought of the activity. “Teens in coming of age movies aren't the only ones who stargaze.” She laid down next him, grass tickling the sides of her face. She turned to look at him, but could only see parts of his face through the tall blades. </p><p>“You’ve stargazed before?” Ricky asked. </p><p>“Yeah. I used to do it all the time with my dad.” She couldn’t believe how easy it was to say that, how the pain of remembering seemed to fade into a sort of peace she’d never experienced before.</p><p>“So you know what we’re looking at?”</p><p>She focused on the dark skies above, searching for those familiar patterns she’d grown up with. “Yeah. There’s the Big Dipper,” she pointed upwards, connecting the stars with her fingertip. “and that’s Orion’s Belt. And over there, is the Archer.”</p><p>“There’s really nothing you can’t do, huh.  I don’t see <em> any </em>of that.”</p><p>Gina giggled, reaching her hand out towards him. “Give me your hand, I’ll help you find them.” He placed the back of his hand to her palm, and she gently guided his finger across the skies, tracing out every constellation she could find. He’d release breaths of awe every few minutes, and she cursed those blades of grass between them for not letting her see the astonished expressions on the boy’s face. </p><p>When she’d run out of patterns, she released his hand, and placed hers in the grass at her side. Ricky kept his in the air, tracing out a new pattern she’d never seen before. He connected 5 of the brightest stars in the sky, forming the subtle shape of a ‘G’. “You missed one.” he said softly. “The <em> Gina Porter. </em>” </p><p>She laughed, heat creeping under her cheeks despite the cool autumn air. “Is that one scientifically proven?” she teased. </p><p>“It should be. Scientists don’t know what they’re missing out on.” His hand dropped to the grass right beside hers, their pinkies nearly touching. They both sat in silence for a few moments, nothing but the sound of crickets and the wind rustling the trees filling the air. Ricky gasped as a shooting star shot across the sky above. </p><p>“Oh my god, I haven’t seen one of those in <em> years. </em>Make a wish, Gi!” </p><p>She started to say that it was just a meteor. A flaming hot ball of rock that held no magical value whatsoever. That no matter how many wishes she’d made on them before, the universe seemed to always screw her over. But then his hand shifted and his pinkie wrapped around hers. And it felt like the universe might’ve been on her side after all. </p><p>She looked to her side again, this time using her free hand to push the blades of grass aside. He was staring right back at her, so close that she could feel his breath coasting across her cheeks. </p><p>“Hey, I know you.” he started, a smile growing on his face. “Aren’t you that girl they named a constellation after?”</p><p>She smiled, studying the hints of hazel in his pupils. She’d never noticed that before. “In the flesh.”</p><p>He leaned in, and Gina swore she saw his eyes land on her lips before he rested his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. Her heart pounded against her rib cage, butterflies erupting in her stomach.</p><p>“Did you make a wish?” he whispered, and it took every bit of Gina’s will to not melt into a puddle right then and there. </p><p>“Did you?” she shot back, mostly because she couldn’t force her brain to clear long enough to come up with anything clever. </p><p>He laughed, breathless and beautiful, before tilting his head upward to nudge his nose against hers. She subconsciously leaned into the touch, and felt herself sigh in relief, relaxing into the ground beneath her. She’d never felt so comfortable before, so carefree and fearless. Like nothing could go wrong. </p><p>“I did,” he responded, “and I have a strong feeling that it’ll come true.” As he spoke, his lips brushed slightly against hers, the slightest graze, barely even noticeable. But it didn’t stop her breath from getting caught in her throat, her heart from clenching, her spine from tingling. She knew that she liked Ricky Bowen. She’d known ever since she’d stepped out of that ugly orange car. But having him this close? Having this moment with no other witnesses besides the stars above? Something in her shifted. </p><p>
  <em> Stargazing had a whole new meaning.  </em>
</p><p>She leaned in, pressing a light kiss to the corner of his mouth before pulling away and sitting up. “C’mon loser, we should get home. It’s like 4 a.m. My mother might just kill me.” He smiled, standing to his feet and reaching for both of her hands to help her up. Once she was on her feet, he didn’t release them, swinging their clasped hands in front of them. </p><p>“Thanks for the astronomy lesson. We should do it again sometime.”</p><p>She nodded. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and walked her the rest of the way home, where they said their goodbyes. She barely slept that night, wondering if the wish he’d made had everything to do with her. </p><p>That night felt like so long ago. <em> Maybe she should’ve wished after all. </em>Maybe then she wouldn’t be standing in the hallway listening to him rant about how she wasn’t falling for him, when she already had.</p><p>She’d zoned out, lost in thought, but came to when she heard the sound of a chair scraping the floor in the music room. She risked a peek through the small crack and saw Ricky pacing through the room, the other two boys’ eyes following him. </p><p>“Maybe it’s all for the best. I mean, Nini and I just broke up a month ago! Isn’t it a little too soon for another relationship? It seems... wrong of me. To do that to Nini.” </p><p>Gina rolled her eyes. Of course. Even when he was lamenting over her, he still had Nini on his mind. </p><p>“That’s an excuse, and you know it.” EJ said. “Nini started dating me two weeks after you two <em> sorta kinda almost </em>broke up. I don't think she gives a damn about loyalties.”</p><p>“He’s got a point!” Red chimed in. Ricky paused in front of them, shaking his head in exasperation. His eyes landed near the door for a moment and Gina backed away, pressing her back to the nearby wall and hoping he didn’t spot her. </p><p>“I just… I don’t understand why this has to be so complicated.” He sounded tired, exasperated even, so much that Gina almost felt guilty. Her sense of empathy always felt heightened when it was concerning him, and she hated that she couldn’t force herself not to care. </p><p>“It doesn’t have to be <em> complicated </em>,” Red said. “Do you love her?”</p><p>At this, Gina turned away from the door, and nearly sprinted down the hallway. She didn’t want to know. She didn’t <em> need </em>to know. If he said no, it would probably break her, her stupid fragile heart cracking evermore. He wasn’t hers. She knew that. But something deep inside her refused to get the memo. If he said yes…</p><p><em> None of it matters, </em>she told herself as she turned into the cafeteria, waving to her friends. </p><p>Ricky, Red, and EJ walked into the cafeteria moments later, and his eyes landed on hers. And though she didn’t hear it, Gina suddenly knew the answer to Red’s question. Ricky wore it all over his face, a love so pure it overwhelmed her. Almost the way he looked at Nini, but not quite. There was more… <em> clarity. </em></p><p>Whether or not she’d do anything about it. That was the real question. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i just realized i forgot to add lyrics to this chapter... maybe next time !</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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